Whenever I’m discussing communication with clients, I often find myself challenging them on their assumptions about what other people (family members, manager, friends) might be thinking in specific situations.
“How do you know?” How do you know what they are thinking, if you haven’t asked them? If you’ve not asked them, then you can only be making an assumption. This may be based on your experience with that individual, knowledge of the situation, and memory of what you have discussed previously. But how do you know you are correct?
As humans we are all subject to our unconscious biases, and the one at play here is known as Projection Bias. Basically, this can be described as “If I don’t know what you think, I’ll assume you’ll think what I think.” Rather than work out what every person might think/feel/prefer, we make the assumption that they are like us and therefore their likes, dislikes, emotions and decisions will be like our own.
Unconscious biases are very important to us, given the amount of data we are subjected to throughout the day. We are very good at detecting patterns – eg. how to stop a car in time, seeing faces (even when none exists – in vegetables, Turin Shroud), or on a chessboard for constructing several moves ahead. This ability frees up processing power in the brain, by detecting patterns that are common in our lives (and is part of the basis for expertise). More often these are correct and very useful to us.
However, it is also important to note that this pattern detection uses whatever information is available, even when all the information you need is unavailable. And sometimes, it uses information that is easily available instead of information that is harder to retrieve.
If you are in a group, it’s easy to assume that all those in the room are thinking, deciding and feeling the same way as you, especially if they are not specifically saying otherwise. How often have you come out of a meeting thinking that all were on the same page, to only later discover that what you thought had been agreed was very different to what others thought?
The advantage of being good at detecting patterns is that we store relating behaviours and so can quickly make decisions. Patterns drive our behaviour and are short cuts for our decision making processes. However, sometimes we can be too quick to detect a pattern and can miss a vital piece of information or a difference in this particular situation.
One way of helping to review whether you are using an unconscious bias is to make it conscious. Ask the questions to clarify, discuss all the assumptions, challenge your own thinking. Breaking it down and having a discussion about it allows you to make distinctions and potentially chose a different path. Those around you will receive better communication from you, and it’s the first step to making even better and wiser decisions.
Please contact us if you are interested in finding out how Coaching can improve your self-awareness, develop better communication skills and understand more about unconscious biases you use on a daily basis.