One of our most important motivational needs is “connection”, through social interactions and building relationships.  If we don’t feel connected with others, we feel stress or a heightened sense of anxiety.  

With our amazing technology, it’s often assumed that social media and interacting online provides what we need to feel that level of connection.   But recent research (reported in Neuroscience News) has shown a significant difference in brain activity during face-to-face conversations compared to online interactions (eg on Zoom and Teams). 

Our brains are finely tuned to process facial cues during real life interactions. This is vital for providing natural social connection and conversation flow.  But, according to the study, these neural signals are reduced significantly when online.

Why we Need Connection

Our brain is a social brain. When we’re not thinking strategically or about goals/projects, we revert to thinking about social things such as our relationships, what people think of us, or if we’re being left out of something.

Humans have a fundamental need to belong and can be very sensitive to our social environment. We are always on the lookout for whether we can truly relate to and feel at ease with others.  When we feel safe, trust is higher, and we can share common goals. 

We are strongly motivated to remain in good standing in a social group, and avoid exclusion. If that sense of connection is missing, we can feel on edge or even overly competitive.  

If someone feels left out, they can also become less collaborative and less creative.  This can become a significant issue when working in teams.

Building Trust

Our need for connection drives our ability to trust, form bonds and feel safe opening up to others.

When this is threatened, it reduces the ability to hold thoughtful, reflective and innovative conversations.  It can also make constructive feedback, development and goal conversations difficult to accept.

Real Life or Online?

There are obviously a lot of benefits to online meetings.  From the research, it’s worth thinking about how often and when to use this tool, if you want to build connection, encourage and enjoy rich and creative conversations, and get the best from group discussions.

To build trust and rapport, initial introduction meetings, or important conversations and feedback would probably benefit from being in person.

Anyone leading a group also have to be mindful of the in-group/out-group bias (where we can favour those we feel we can more easily relate to), and ensure everyone feels listened to and included.

How would you balance the mix of real-life and online meetings?

If you are interested in finding out more, and how executive coaching could help individuals and teams, please get in contact for an initial chat.

Can you be sure that you’re accurately assessing your abilities in the workplace? Most of us will have heard of imposter syndrome – a term to describe a feeling high achievers have when they cannot recognize their success and are afraid of being exposed as a fake or a fraud. Sadly, a lack of confidence can prevent people from reaching their potential, or from even trying, as they believe others will be better than them.

Interestingly, a recent study showed that people are often biased in their assessment of themselves, and of others. Those who lacked confidence in themselves tended to over-estimate their competitors’ ability, whilst those who were over-confident over-estimated their own abilities. When lacking confidence, the more successful you are, the more difficult it seems to be to reconcile your achievements with your view of yourself.

Although it can affect anyone, it appears to affect women more than it does men. A KPMG study found that 75% of executive women reported having experienced impostor syndrome at times in their career. 56% were afraid that they wouldn’t live up to expectations or that people around them would not believe they are as capable as expected. Women can find more senior levels too competitive, especially if they feel uneasy about negotiating salaries, bonuses and promotion opportunities.

Anyone with Imposter Syndrome can immediately feel like an outsider if they’re in a workplace that is stereotypically or dominated by a different gender.

All this risks that they may choose to stay at a certain level or take their expertise elsewhere, so leaders need to be aware that their team and the organisation can miss out on this valuable resource.

Ability Check

Most people will have doubts about their abilities at some time during their career. So firstly, it’s worth checking any facts around why you might be feeling this way.

Could it be that you don’t have some of the skills needed for the role yet, and therefore training opportunities or additional courses will help you gain more confidence.

Do you feel listened to, and encouraged to learning from successes and mistakes? Do you feel psychologically safe to communicate openly? Do you have a manager/organisation that is committed to developing your career, and encourages a sense of belonging where you’re contributing?

If you find that this is the case, then take on the new training, and have the necessary conversations with your line manager. Your confidence levels will thank you.

Where the feelings of imposter syndrome, or a lack of confidence, are still prevalent, there are a few techniques you can develop to help yourself.

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Identify your beliefs: Your beliefs, especially negative, will impact the way you think about yourself (your sense of self). Think about the following:

• In what areas are you confident?
• What two areas do you lack confidence?
• Identify two people who you think are confident.
• Identify two people who you think lack confidence.

What information can you glean from the way you’ve answered these questions?

Believe in yourself: Once you have identified some of the negative beliefs, look at what you can to do start believing in yourself.

• Challenge some of the negative beliefs about yourself. Our beliefs are often black and white (I always, I can’t, I never), but when you start challenging whether those thoughts are totally true (eg. Are you always, can you, do you sometimes…) you can start breaking down the negative feelings that could be holding you back.
• Acknowledge your achievements. Writing these down helps reduce negativity bias. We often forget how far we’ve come, so it’s useful as a reminder of what you have done and what you can continue to achieve.
• Accept recognition for your work, you did it.
• Commit to lifelong learning and development, which will help you feel more capable.
• Consider whether you may be being biased in assessing your abilities, especially when comparing to others. Look at your skills with a new mindset.

Calm the self-talk: Those who lack confidence or have imposter syndrome often have a lot of negative self-talk. To calm this:

• Remember you are not defined by your worst moment, so don’t let it turn into your story of who you are.
• Give your inner critic a name and identity of its own (you’ll have to ask me what mine is called!). Make it light-hearted or something humorous, as this helps you to think of your inner critic as lacking credibility, takes its power away and puts things into perspective.
• Work out some positive and powerful statements that are true about yourself that you can use as reminders when doubts creep in. Eg, “I can handle a challenge”, “I’ve got this”, “I will learn from this and make changes for the future”.

Develop your growth mindset: A growth mindset will ensure that you’re learning from mistakes and taking a chance to develop and practice. (A fixed mindset is anxious about going outside something familiar eg looking only at the deck of cards that you do or do not have. A growth mindset however, will look at all the cards you have and all the different things you can do with them.)

Take action: Anxiety and fear holds people back from taking challenges. The longer we procrastinate or avoid doing something, the more painful (in our mind) it can become. Once we take action, however, it’s usually nowhere near as hard as we’d imagined.

Get support: The KPMG report highlighted that 72% of executive women looked to the advice of a mentor, coach or trusted advisor when doubting their abilities to take on new roles. Who can you ask to support you?

I had suffered for years with Imposter Syndrome, so I know first-hand what it feels like to be constantly on edge and thinking that someone will find me out as the fraud I am. I learnt the hard way how to identify my personal thought processes and challenge those that weren’t helping me. Now, as a coach, I’m determined to help as many people as I can so they don’t have to suffer for years and can find a renewed confidence in themselves.

It’s time to start being the person you’ve been pretending to be up to now.

To find out more about how Executive Coaching could help with assessing your true abilities and reduce Imposter Syndrome, then please use the Assiem Ltd Contact Form to get in touch for an initial discussion.

Zoom fatigue – yet another phrase we would never have said or heard of this time last year! And it would be fair to say that many people are in the “I’m bored of it all now” stage. 

2020 has certainly been a masterclass in seeing how mental anxiety and stress increases when we are missing some of our basic human needs.  The most important of our basic needs are currently being compromised – certainty (I don’t need to say much more on that), fairness, autonomy and especially, connection.

Anxiety and stress are showing up as unusual behaviours in our day to day.  From highly emotive responses, demanding and spiky behaviour, refusing to try new things, negativity, frustration, micromanaging, connecting too many dots, taking things personally, and reverting back to a safe zone, to name just a few.

According to a report in Psychiatric Times, “Zoom fatigue” describes the tiredness, worry, or burnout associated with overusing virtual platforms of communication.  In it, they have highlighted a number of reasons why it’s become a phenomenon in 2020. 

Mental fatigue can be attributed to a psychological trade-off process, where every behaviour is unconsciously evaluated between the likely rewards versus the cost to us of doing it.  Rewards activate certain areas in the brain and increase alertness, energy, and motivation.  The opposite causes fatigue.

Fatigue (low reward and high mental cost) by using platforms like Zoom could be caused by:

• The lack of proper eye contact, as you’re not looking directly at each other, especially if there are 3 or more people. Eye contact improves connection, and is associated with faster responses, facial recognition and increased likeability.
• The milliseconds delay between visual and verbal responses on screen, which can have a negative effect on our perceptions of others, increasing distrust.
• Reduced non-verbal cues we normally rely on for effective communication (such as facial expressions, touch, posture and body language).
• Increased distractions caused by working at home (family, space, privacy), trying to multitask, and seeing your image on the screen.
• Physical inactivity from sitting at the screen all day!
• The stress and anxiety we are experiencing from the pandemic, financial insecurities and the extreme levels of uncertainty.

So what do we need to do to reduce our susceptibility to Zoom Fatigue? 

Psychologically, the opposite of reward is threat.  And when we feel psychologically threatened we get tunnel vision, have no new insights, decision making is harder, and it’s difficult to collaborate.  All that adrenalin, cortisol and testosterone is exhausting.

Instead, we want to activate the reward centre of our brain, and get some dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin pumping round our bodies!  There isn’t the same level of reward activation during video conferencing as there would be with face-to-face interactions, but we can improve it and make the most of the situation. And here are some ideas of how to do that:

• Encourage psychologically safety – so people feel they can express ideas and concerns without fear of embarrassment or retribution, and that their input is valued.
• Move from problem to solution focussed.  Problems (and too much detail) can become dramas that we get bogged down by.
• Increase the level of certainty about what’s going to happen.  Remember, uncertainty isn’t as bad as ambiguity (the brain hates mixed messages).  Keep people informed, communicate often and well, set expectations, share, send out an agenda ahead of the meeting.
• Increase autonomy by giving people options on when and how to work, and to identify the choices they do have.  Ask people what works and doesn’t work with regard to video conference meetings and adapt accordingly (this also helps increase a sense of team spirit and therefore connection).
• Increase trust by reducing ingroup/outgroup bias.  The ingroup are those we perceive as similar to us and the outgroup are those we don’t feel we have the same connection with. But everyone needs to feel listened to and appreciated, so give those in the outgroup a voice to be heard.
• Reduce negativity bias.  A heartfelt thank you is underestimated.  Additionally, a study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology suggested that actively recording things you’re grateful for can have an impact on culture and the way that people interact.  At the start of your meeting ask everyone to list out people, events, lessons learnt etc that they are grateful for, and share them.  Practicing this is like exercising the “positive thinking” brain muscle, which helps you to find a different way of thinking about things, rather than dwelling in the negative.  And the more you practice seeing the positive, the more positives you see, improving overall well-being.
• Encourage exercise – get outside in the fresh air, find an exercise you enjoy, even dance round the kitchen to your favourite music!
• Practice meditation, mindfulness, and to ask for help when it’s needed.
• Sometimes and for some discussions, meetings that are kept short and sweet are the ideal.

Hopefully, I’ve provided a few hints and tips that can be easily introduced to reduce Zoom fatigue. It would be great to hear any you’ve found.

And please get in contact if you would like to discuss this and other areas that Executive Coaching could help you and your team.

As humans, uncertainty is something we don’t really like. And we’re current all experiencing the biggest period of uncertainty in our history.

Uncertainty is contagious, fuelling anxiety in many of us. We try to pay attention to every opinion or scenario, ending up feeling overwhelmed. And that’s because uncertainty triggers the fear part of our brains.

Fear is a normal human emotion. Our brain has developed considerably over millions of years. The earlier part allowed us to sense threat from tigers and mammoths, so that we could protect ourselves and survive. It looks for any threat so that we can fight, run away or freeze. As we advanced, our brains developed the ability to plan, become aware of ourselves, be creative. The problem was it also gave us the ability to worry, to think negatively (about life and ourselves) and become anxious about the future.

But there’s also a positive, in that we can learn to take back control, once we become aware of the emotions that we’re experiencing. We are responsible for our own thinking and our own behaviours – not matter how much we might try and blame others or the situations we’re in. The situation may be out of our control, but how we react to it is.

Our emotions are great signals for us to become aware of and be curious about. They hold useful messages. We don’t “have to” be positive all the time, or beat ourselves up if we feel negative from time to time. Give yourself a break, as it’s OK to not be OK for a while.

However, staying in a negative state can adversely affect your mental and physical health in the long run. While fear helps us survive, when mixed with emotions around uncertainty, it can lead to something bad for our health: anxiety.

When we are in a negative emotional state like anxiety, we move into Fight, Flight or Freeze. When we’re in this mode, we also tend to see more negatives and this ends up spiralling out of control. (This is bad… and this happened…. and then this …. and then this etc).

And when we worry, our worries can seem huge. We think if we worry about something, we’re more prepared. But actually the opposite is true. If we stay in this “survival” mode for long it can increase feelings of irritability and low mood, impacting our focus, clarity and logical thinking. Who wants to live like this for any length of time?

But we can, and do, get out of this spiral of negativity. We can start to utilize another part of our brain that gets a buzz from seeing positives, can make connections, can be creative and find flexible solutions to our current situations. Not only is this better for your mental health, it also has a better and significant impact on your body’s health too.

So, how do we dial down the negativity and dial up the positivity?

Below are a few suggestions for you to try. You may find one that seems easier for you to do every day, or do a different one each day, or mix and match as you want.

STAY IN THE MOMENT
When we’re having negative emotions (like anger, sadness, guilt, fear, hurt), we’re thinking about our past. When we’re anxious or worried, we’re thinking about our future. Staying in the moment (in the NOW) helps alleviate these emotions, reducing their power. Stay in the here and now, not too many steps or days ahead. If you start to wander too far, bring your thinking into what is right in front of you in that moment and concentrate on it for a few minutes.

MEDITATION
Meditation is about engaging in a process of thinking that allows thoughts to just come and go. This is a powerful way to bring yourself into NOW. There are apps and videos online that you can use. For those new to this, we will upload a 10 minute meditation shortly.

BREATHE
When you’re feeling anxiety, take a breath and allow yourself a few seconds of calm.
• Inhale through your nose for five counts
• Hold your breath for two to four counts
• Exhale slowly through your mouth for seven counts.
• Allow your rib cage to rise and fall without forcing it

SIX POSITIVES
When you start to recognise positives, this signals the brain to find even more of them! They become easier to find. Just like training your body muscles by regularly practicing a technique, you can do the same for your brain. So, every day, write out 6 positive statements about that day. They can be about anything, big or small, but must be positive. For example, a bird singing, a chat with a friend, achieving a new exercise, a delicious cup of coffee, the moon shining, the radio playing your favourite song, the perfect parking spot – the little things that make life enjoyable. Writing them down also gives you something nice to look back on and remember too.

JOURNALLING
If you start to feel overwhelmed, write out your concerns, thoughts and beliefs in a journal. Getting them out of your head and onto the paper stops them going round and round in your mind. Then look at what you’ve written and challenge whether they are real or something that you think “might” happen. If they’re real, can you do anything about it, or is it out of your control? If it’s in your control, what is the one small next step that you can do to help solve it? Just one step at a time.

CONNECTION
Connection is one our biggest human needs, and the current situation is stopping our normal ways of feeling connected to others. Use the various online facilities and those on your phone to talk to friends and family. It’s OK to ask for help and to ask for a chat.

Making more time for phone calls with your friends and family is fantastic, but that leaves a lot of free time either side of those calls. Connection is often about just being with someone, without having to saying anything. This is a challenge with social distancing and isolation. So if you are alone, you could organize a time with a loved one, where you sit down and watch a film, work together, read together etc (but in a different way to normal). Each of you sets up your phone, tablet or laptop, Facetime or one of the video conferencing sites, where you can see the other person. And you can sit quietly together, without having to say anything at all.

Helping others is another form of connection (be that a small gesture, a phone call, giving assistance) – it helps the other person, but you get a dopamine and feel good hit too.

EXERCISE
Rather than being tempted by the chocolate bar, comfort food or glass of wine for a quick “feel good” boost, use exercise to reduce anxiety and stress. Exercising helps to release endorphins which give you a natural high. This helps to relieve the stress you’re feeling, allowing your body to relax and break the “fight or flight” cycle it’s stuck in. Find enjoyable ways to exercise indoors, take a walk round the garden (or other outdoor places, where you can).

LAUGHTER
It’s perfectly OK to laugh – in fact, us humans are very good at finding the funny side of life to get us through the tougher times. You’ll be able to cope better and see worries as less important, if you can start to see the humour around it. Find a fun film or TV show, call friends to share funny stories, play games with the kids etc. Just think, 2020 will also be known for it’s interesting hair styles!

Use Moodshifters, which help you change your mood from negative to positive in an instant. Think of two or three different events in your life that have really made you laugh, giggle, feel extremely happy. Clearly visualize and remember what you saw, heard and felt emotionally. When you need a mood boost, then think of those times and dwell in the good feelings. It really works, as the same “feel good” hormones flow round the body, just like when it originally happened.

Smile – Strange as it may sound, forcing a smile onto your face can often make you feel happy. This is one of the strange ways in which we humans are wired. Try it – you may be surprised!

LISTEN TO MUSIC
Listening to music lifts our spirits. We play our favourite song and a smile spreads across our faces. Find the music that works for you – you can dance around the room to the upbeat ones, or chill to the calming ones. You can always take a photo of you dancing and send it to friends and family – bringing in connection and laughter too!!

CHILL TIME
Take some time every day to do what makes you feel good. This could be a warm bath, massage, walk in the countryside, or reading a book in the sunshine for instance.

MAKE YOUR OWN PLANS
Set some actions or targets for your day or week, write up a planner of the things you want to achieve, list the tasks you want to accomplish that you’ve not had time to do before. Just small actions are required, and they’ll give you a bit of certainty in your life! Remember they’re there for guidance and not something to beat yourself up with.
Keep a sense of normality wherever you can, such as getting up at the same time you usually do, eating at your regular times etc.

BE CREATIVE
Solitude allows creative thoughts to blossom. Research suggests that people are better able to conceive their best ideas alone. How can you use your creativity for your future? You can come up with wonderful new ideas to bring laughter to others, find new ways of helping others etc. Are there new hobbies you’d like to try, courses you’ve always wanted to do, a book to write or an artist inside you just waiting to be let loose on the world??
Your day is yours to make the most of.

PROTECT YOUR OWN ENERGY
Other people can drag you into their dramas or leave you feeling exhausted after talking to them. They’ll want you to agree with their view about how bad things are. But this won’t make you feel better. Protect your energy levels. They are responsible for their minds, you are responsible for yours. So, you can try one of the tools here to bring you back into your own positive state. And if you feel OK you certainly don’t need to feel guilty about it.

KNOW THIS TIME WILL PASS
Nothing stays the same for very long. There will be a time when this will be in the past, albeit having made history! You can still think about plans and dreams for the future.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
We are amazing and resilient, adaptable, clever and capable of change for the good. We are unique from other species in that we have the ability to control our behaviour, to train ourselves to be emotionally fit and create an inner strength. Our lives are shaped by the difficult times we’ve gone through and learnt from. We are strong and will find a way through our challenges – we always have, and always will. You’ve done it before, you can do it now.

Stay safe, stay inside. When we work together, we all win.

As we breathe approximately 20,000 times a day, inhaling and exhaling about 15 to 20 times a minute, you’d think we’d have it all under control.  But no!!

Think about the last time you were in a stressful situation, made a big mistake, or were asked a question in a presentation you couldn’t answer.  What probably happened was that you held your breath!

Even my hobby causes me issues –  whenever I’m learning a new dance step, I hold my breath as I concentrate.  I get to the end of the routine, exhausted – and then I can start breathing again!  You may have noticed fitness trainers reminding people to breath!

This “concentration” reflex evolved to keep our bodies still when focusing on a physical task that requires concentration and precision. By slowing or stopping our breathing, we reduce the background movements of our bodies and, hopefully, achieve better accuracy in the execution of our carefully planned action.

Nowadays, stress is often the trigger and can affect our breathing pattern without us even noticing.  Then we start to feel anxious and our emotions feel out of control.

Unconsciously, we have moved into our sympathetic nervous system and, as a consequence, it’s likely that the muscles in our head, neck and shoulders have become tense. Our adrenal glands will have started to produce adrenaline – the ‘fight or flight’ hormone – and cortisol.   At this stage, not only are we likely to argue more (fight) or disengage (flight), our ability to strategise, build trust and show compassion also shuts down.

If we’re in an important discussion, this stress reaction can cause many issues.  We want to be able to come up with creative and innovative thoughts, not have a mind that goes blank.  But we can’t.

A client recently identified that when they are feeling confident and a customer asks a difficult question, they take a breath, allow themselves a few seconds of calm, and then they can answer.   Realising this allowed them to use the same technique at other stressful times in their working life.  Something that had been alluding them up to now.

A few seconds of silence can often feel like a lifetime when we’re under pressure to respond.  But it is only a few seconds, and the following technique can help you get back a sense of control.

• Inhale through your nose for one count
• Hold your breath for two to four counts
• Exhale slowly through your mouth for two counts.
• Allow your stomach to rise and fall without forcing it.

This will eliminate toxins and fully oxygenate your body. It will also start to regulate excess adrenaline and cortisol levels and help you feel calmer.

Next time you’re in a stressful situation, try breathing!  It helps 😊

 

If you’d like to find out more about how coaching can help you with stress, anxiety, self-esteem and confidence, then please contact us for an initial discussion.

 

When trying to achieve success for goals and targets, changing a couple of tiny words can help you move your focus from negative to positive.

This can be really useful for your own success, but also when talking to others.

 

It’s amazing what little changes can make.  Find out how coaching could help you.

It has recently been reported by Researchers from the University of British Columbia  that students who reported higher levels of self-compassion also tended to feel more optimistic and energetic during their time at college.

As with other methods of positive thinking (and moving away from negativity), their self-compassion levels rose in line with overall motivation and engagement.

When reporting about self-compassion, the researchers highlighted that this includes self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, self-kindness and recognising that mistakes and failure is a critical part of the learning process.  This, and the avoidance of self-criticism, should be attributed to every aspect of life, and helps with a “never give up” attitude.

 

What is it that you want to change for yourself this year?  What are your targets and goals for your development that you want to put in place?

Change isn’t easy, and it’s rarely fast.  The initial decision to change can be fast – can be overnight.  Something happens, someone says something – and we decide that enough is enough.  It could be a comment from a colleague or friend, it could be that some feedback that’s caused confusion, it could be a concern that you’ve just not achieving what you wanted to by now.  Whatever the reason, the decision can be instant.

So, what is your decision?  What is it that you want to work on?  Knowing that is the first step.   And then there’s the plan to keep that decision alive and achievable.

The plan and the following actions are longer term.  Learning new skills are going to be part of that plan.   We spend all our lives using certain skills and behaviours, but something can then make us realise that some of those may no longer be working for us (or those around us).  So unlearning them and learning new ones are all part of the new plan.

Make your plans your project.  Project ME!  And every day is part of your plan, part of your project.

The skills and techniques that can be learnt from coaching from Assiem Ltd are worth practising every day, as part of a project plan.   It’s not about short term information, but long term change and lifetime skills.  A long-term project Me.

The small steps, if we keep doing them, will become the new habits of a successful future.  Our brains are capable of significant change, thanks to the ability to learn new information (neuroplasticity).  To keep this new learning, however, it’s best to keep practising.

These new ways of thinking and new habits will help get us through the tougher times.

What habits and beliefs are helping or hindering your progress, and how can you change what needs to be changed?  This is where ongoing coaching comes in, helping you plan and action Project Me.

Sometimes things will be difficult, sometimes easier, but the determination to keep going and keep working through these times will make a difference.  A coach can be your sounding board when you need it, a driving force to help you move forward, and a source of new techniques and skills to learn.

So, are you ready for change?  Are you ready to go full steam ahead with Project ME?  Then contact Karen and let’s get started.

I’ve lost count of the number of people who have told me that they’re not creative.  Unfortunately, until a few years ago, that included me!

My belief was set in stone for me when I joined a management consultancy (as one of my first full time jobs, many years ago).  The directors wanted me to come up with new products and services to sell to their clients, even though I had no relevant work experience to use as a base.  However, I was able to come up with innovative ways to put their ideas for new products and services into practice, in ways that they hadn’t thought of.  Is that not creative?

As with all our beliefs – we look for evidence that supports our thinking, whether that’s positive or negative.  If we believe that we are not, or our team are not, creative, then we could well be underselling ourselves or making a rod for our own back.

When I’ve challenged those people who don’t think they’re capable of being creative, they have then been able to demonstrate a great many ways to contradict themselves.  They, like me, have had a definition in their mind and compared themselves to that definition only.

Innovation, for instance, isn’t always about invention.  It can be about looking at different ways something can be fixed, altered, tweaked.  It can be about recognising where you may have done something similar before and transferring the learning to your current situation.  It’s about understanding how you can lead the generation of new and unusual solutions for problems, by moving away from the known and recognised, and encouraging flexibility and novelty of ideas.

Knowing how to set the environment that encourages creativity is key.  And dispelling any beliefs that you aren’t or can’t be creative should be one of those at the top of that list.

Please contact us if you’d like more information on how coaching can help you change your beliefs and encourage more creativity.

At work, whenever someone came up to my desk to ask me something, I automatically put a smile on my face to greet them.  I had learnt over the years that apparently I look miserable if I’m not smiling!  And it came as a shock to people when I wasn’t smiling!  More recently I’ve learnt there is a phrase for that in that I apparently have a “bitchy resting face”!!!  Nice! 🙂

But unfortunately it’s true!  I had thought that I was just being encouraging, but actually I was also helping others feel better about approaching me for a completely different reason.

This is a useful part of self-awareness, or emotional intelligence – knowing how you could be affecting others, even unconsciously.

I also knew someone who never smiled at those approaching him and he genuinely couldn’t understand why he had a reputation for being cross and scary, and no-one wanted to ask him anything or even approach his desk.  However, as well as not smiling, his pupils always appeared small – and most of us are aware that we unconsciously notice when pupils are larger as a sign that a person likes us.  So, like me and my “face” he had a “look” that was giving the wrong impression of him.

Ever considered what your expressions could be conveying?   Another example could be if we are annoyed at someone in a previous meeting/phone call etc, and whether that annoyance is showing on our face when we speak to the next person we meet.  Could the person on the receiving end then be interpreting it as you being annoyed with them personally?  So, it might be worth first thinking about what you are unconsciously conveying by your mannerisms, expressions etc.

Additionally, with that in mind, it’s important to consider your emotional state from one meeting to the next.  Not only could you be sending the wrong messages, but you could also be colouring your own thoughts eg. If you are angry (even about something completely different) you yourself could mistakenly interpret anger in other people and be inviting confrontation.  Alternatively, when someone genuinely smiles, you can feel that positively (and it’s widely reported that you can also hear it in someone’s voice on the phone).

So, there are two things I’d consider here.  One is that when someone else looks angry, sad etc, question yourself as to whether that really is in response to you, or it could be something else that they are dealing with.  Think about what are you feeling in response to their expressions and question yourself about the validity.  Secondly, bear in mind what your expressions and emotions could be signalling to others.

Having that self awareness as part of emotional intelligence could really help day to day.  You may need to consciously alter your facial expressions and posture in a given situation.  And, if you’re like me …… keep smiling!

If you’re interested in finding out more about self-awareness and emotional intelligence, then please contact us to discuss how personal coaching could help you.